The Vets Office

Anatomy of a Vets Office

I have noticed over the years that a trip to the Vet is essentially a barrel of laughs for humans and has no redeeming qualities for us dogs. Why you ask? For starters let’s look at the features of a typical Vets office.

1. Vets have banded together and apparently spent millions of dollars in research to come up with an ultra slippery flooring material which no canine on the planet can get a grip on to make a quick exit. You’ve all been there…. felt the toe nails desperately trying to grip… heard the all familiar ‘clickety clickety clickety’ sound as we try and escape.

2. All over the world Vet Robots are employed to manufacture incredibly sharp objects which inevitably end up being inserted into various parts of our bodies while humans say things like ‘Oh… you’ll just feel a little bitty pinch…’ Right.

3. Have you ever noticed there are absolutely no sticks, toys, frisbees, tennis balls, hot dogs or pizza in a Vets office? Yet our masters bring us to these places like we’re going to Disney World!

4. We are confronted by a maze of small rooms which are carefully set up to take our minds off the fact that Vets think we actually want to get up on a stainless steel table no wider than a butter knife!

5. This has not yet been confirmed but Heidi and I are close to finding the whereabouts of the factory which produces ‘Vet’s Office Odors’. Yeah… you all know what I’m talking about. Those ‘unique’ smells that Vet’s pipe into their offices. The purpose? To reduce the mightiest and bravest dog to a mass of quivering jelly.

OK….I know what some of you are thinking. “Wow this Max dude has gone too far…. I LOVE going to the Vet. What’s the big deal?”

This subject inevitably arises whenever we write about Vets. You may be shocked at what I’m about to tell you… so you may want to sit! Heidi and I (mostly me, actually) believe that dogs such as yourself who enjoy the ‘Vet experience’ were actually abducted by aliens when you were puppies and underwent some form of mind control. Go ahead…. wag your tail! We will continue to research this phenomena at the Lab.

Finally, Heidi and I have conducted an informal and impartial survey and we both agree that the perfect Vets Office would-

1)	Be located in the woods.
2)	Be a place where if a human could catch us we would let them check us out.
3)	Contain no sharp objects or stainless steel tables.
4)	Be a place where humans would not be allowed to wear lab coats.
5)	Have no latex gloves or lubricants of any kind.